What does happen when the country you live in is now rejecting you?! Is this normal? Is this how people feel living in a different place? Is this a common problem for international students? or Do I miss my country that much that I feel rejection here?
This past month I have felt that every part of this country has rejected me. I have been lost for a long time, and I thought that I finally got everything together. Unfortunately, it was a delusion. I have been living for two years now in the United States. And just know I am feeling that people do not understand me and that there is a huge cultural and communication barrier between me and the inhabitants of this country. For instance, when I try to speak with people here in the company that I work, either they ignore me or they do not understand me. I am feeling so confused that probably this blog will end up all over the place. You as a reader will say that this lecture does not have any sense. However, I have to vomit all the words that are stuck in my throat.
I feel like I am teenager trying to learn who to behave in public. The bad news is that I am almost 30 and I am now learning who to be strong, raise your voice and fight for your goals no matter who you will run over during that fight. Maybe that’s why I feel rejected by this country. I cannot even feel happy by the fact that now I am with someone that I love. I have that much options and I just want to be a butterfly playing with the wind. I do not feel free. I feel so stuck in this time, in this job in this country in this life that everything is making me stop a little bit and think other possibilities that I should have taken. Even this blog is so vague and lacks of any sense and core. But that’s how I feel in my life right now. I cannot be happy knowing that there are some other options out there. I cannot be happy sitting in the same chair staring at the same screen every single day. What is lacking in my life? WHAT!?
Love, Job, family, and friends I have it all but I just cannot stay calm thinking that there is something else that I need. The bad thing is that I do not know what I need to calm my soul and to enjoy this ride. The more I write the more I get confused about what my life is lacking. Maybe it is time for a new adventure, a new place, a new something. I hope I will have this answer soon because my brain cannot stop. It is screaming for something but it does not know what it is!?